Sunday, December 24, 2006
A BROKEN HEART: AN AVOIDABLE FATE
"You bury your treasure where it can't be found,
but you love is like a secret that's been passed around."
These words are from an old poem. But the story they tell is a common one.
We all wanted it: the storybook love.
So we let Hollywood/Bollywood define it. And we chased it.
As Muslims, we don't date. We may even be too young to get married.
But, we still can't help but seek the fairytale. So, we set out to create it.
It starts with instant messenger or email.
At first, we convince ourselves of the myth of guy/girl "friendships".
But before long, we've created an emotional relationship
with someone who is not, and who most likely never will be our spouse.
Even if our intentions are sincerely for marriage,
our actions are naïve and un-Islamic.
The relationship is often kept secret from our families and has
little hope of materializing into marriage.
Without the knowledge-let alone the consent-of our parents,
we act as if we have chosen our spouse.
Then we create an emotional bond that should
only be created after marriage. When our parents do get involved,
more often than not, they do not consent to the marriage.
At that point we must choose. Some of us will choose to disregard
the wishes of our families and proceed with the marriage anyway.
Unless our parents seek something that would displease ALLAH,
disobeying them is a recipe for disaster.
The Qur'an says:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents:
but if they (either of them) strive (to force) you to join
with Me (in worship) anything of which you have no knowledge,
obey them not. You have (all) to return to Me,
and I will tell you (the truth) of all that you did."[29:8].
In most cases, however, illusionary love drives us to turn our
backs on what's real: the love and care of our families.
For a bond of a couple months, we destroy a bond of a lifetime.
It may turn out well in the movies-even the little mermaid was
rewarded for her disloyalty to her father. But in real life,
most who choose this route someday come to regret it.
Others at this crossroads will choose to respect their parent's wishes
and will end the relationship. For those, the damage is less,
but still substantial. These people placed all their eggs
in a broken basket, and later wonder why they fell.
At best, this is foolish.
But this foolishness has a price.
After becoming emotionally tied to someone,
we realize we cannot marry them. We return home.
But we return broken, filled with emotional scars
and psychological baggage. Then when we do get married,
we present our spouse a half-eaten heart we had given to another.
Both these choices are ones we shouldn't have to make.
To keep from getting wet, all we have to do is stay clear of water.
ALLAH tells us not only to avoid haram, but also anything
that may lead to haram. Much of Islamic law is based on the
principle that prevention is better than cure.
Rather than curing our hearts, we should protect it:
Avoid friendship with the opposite sex through email,
instant messenger or phone-even if you think it's innocent.
Avoid mixed hangouts, even in public places.
Don't buy into the dangerous myth of platonic "friendship"
between the sexes. Allah didn't create us that way,
and this is how most problems begin.
Make sure his or her parents are involved and have given
their blessing (to marriage). In most cases, marrying someone
without the blessing of his or her family is a recipe for failure.
Marriage is hard enough without the added stress
of disapproving in-laws. Also, do not allow yourself to be
the reason for a split between someone and their family.
The ties of blood are sacred in Islam and should not be broken
except under extreme circumstance.
Furthermore, in many cultures, you marry the family.
So, unhappy in-laws will be bad for you, your marriage
and your future as a family.
Remembering these things is vital.
Too often as Muslims, we are careful to guard our chastity,
but we sell our heart cheaply.
This is dangerous, un-Islamic and unfair.
More than anything, it is avoidable.
"You bury your treasure where it can't be found,
but you love is like a secret that's been passed around."
These words are from an old poem. But the story they tell is a common one.
We all wanted it: the storybook love.
So we let Hollywood/Bollywood define it. And we chased it.
As Muslims, we don't date. We may even be too young to get married.
But, we still can't help but seek the fairytale. So, we set out to create it.
It starts with instant messenger or email.
At first, we convince ourselves of the myth of guy/girl "friendships".
But before long, we've created an emotional relationship
with someone who is not, and who most likely never will be our spouse.
Even if our intentions are sincerely for marriage,
our actions are naïve and un-Islamic.
The relationship is often kept secret from our families and has
little hope of materializing into marriage.
Without the knowledge-let alone the consent-of our parents,
we act as if we have chosen our spouse.
Then we create an emotional bond that should
only be created after marriage. When our parents do get involved,
more often than not, they do not consent to the marriage.
At that point we must choose. Some of us will choose to disregard
the wishes of our families and proceed with the marriage anyway.
Unless our parents seek something that would displease ALLAH,
disobeying them is a recipe for disaster.
The Qur'an says:
"We have enjoined on man kindness to parents:
but if they (either of them) strive (to force) you to join
with Me (in worship) anything of which you have no knowledge,
obey them not. You have (all) to return to Me,
and I will tell you (the truth) of all that you did."[29:8].
In most cases, however, illusionary love drives us to turn our
backs on what's real: the love and care of our families.
For a bond of a couple months, we destroy a bond of a lifetime.
It may turn out well in the movies-even the little mermaid was
rewarded for her disloyalty to her father. But in real life,
most who choose this route someday come to regret it.
Others at this crossroads will choose to respect their parent's wishes
and will end the relationship. For those, the damage is less,
but still substantial. These people placed all their eggs
in a broken basket, and later wonder why they fell.
At best, this is foolish.
But this foolishness has a price.
After becoming emotionally tied to someone,
we realize we cannot marry them. We return home.
But we return broken, filled with emotional scars
and psychological baggage. Then when we do get married,
we present our spouse a half-eaten heart we had given to another.
Both these choices are ones we shouldn't have to make.
To keep from getting wet, all we have to do is stay clear of water.
ALLAH tells us not only to avoid haram, but also anything
that may lead to haram. Much of Islamic law is based on the
principle that prevention is better than cure.
Rather than curing our hearts, we should protect it:
Avoid friendship with the opposite sex through email,
instant messenger or phone-even if you think it's innocent.
Avoid mixed hangouts, even in public places.
Don't buy into the dangerous myth of platonic "friendship"
between the sexes. Allah didn't create us that way,
and this is how most problems begin.
Make sure his or her parents are involved and have given
their blessing (to marriage). In most cases, marrying someone
without the blessing of his or her family is a recipe for failure.
Marriage is hard enough without the added stress
of disapproving in-laws. Also, do not allow yourself to be
the reason for a split between someone and their family.
The ties of blood are sacred in Islam and should not be broken
except under extreme circumstance.
Furthermore, in many cultures, you marry the family.
So, unhappy in-laws will be bad for you, your marriage
and your future as a family.
Remembering these things is vital.
Too often as Muslims, we are careful to guard our chastity,
but we sell our heart cheaply.
This is dangerous, un-Islamic and unfair.
More than anything, it is avoidable.
Unleash My Thoughts For Now @ 4:15:00 PM
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